Unmedicated by Madisyn Taylor

Author:Madisyn Taylor
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Beyond Words/Atria

A LETTER OF FORGIVING ANOTHER

We also like to hang on to our anger and resentment of others so we don’t have to go through the process of forgiveness. We refuse to let go because we think that forgiving them is somehow condoning their behavior or letting them off the hook. Our ego tells us to hold on to this illusion so it can be protected—so we don’t have to do the real work—and we keep on suffering. When we set ourselves free of the burden of this old story, our ego no longer has that job to do, and our mind wonders, What now? But hanging on to these powerful feelings keeps us small and unable to live our life to the fullest. I ask you to look at the price you pay for holding on to your anger and resentment. Are you willing to risk your health to hold steadfast in your stubbornness? Allow yourself to let go of the pain.

Forgiveness is a process and rarely an overnight fix. If you are ready to forgive, it may come quickly, but it may take some time. I’ve had forgiveness happen within the same day or take several months, and I know a person who took years to unravel the layers. Forgiveness is for you, not the person you are forgiving. This person doesn’t even need to know you are doing the work; you don’t need to forgive face to face (unless you want to). This is about you and for you, and you can do it in the privacy of your journal.

Make a list of people you want to forgive, and start writing a letter to each of these people. How did they make you feel in the past, and how do you feel about them now? The letter is for you to work on in your journal and doesn’t need to be mailed. You will know the work is done when you are no longer triggered by these people—when you can allow the old feelings to wash away and send them along with feelings of peace.

At the top of my own list of people I wanted to forgive was my father, who died at age sixty-nine when I was twenty-nine years old. By writing and examining my feelings about my dad, I came to the important realization that I no longer blamed him for his abuse. We are all responsible for our own lives, and our own thoughts and actions. When I learned more about my parents’ own childhoods and how they suffered, everything began to make sense to me. It doesn’t make my dad’s actions okay, but it helps with healing and forgiveness. Now, as I raise my own child, I commit each and every day to doing things differently—to breaking the family cycle and creating something new. There comes a time when, as adults, we must stop blaming and take the initiative to find peace and acceptance with our trauma. We must patiently, gently, and slowly create a new, healthy reality through the process of forgiveness.

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